My story...

 

I lived a life without considering the narrative it held. Memories, both sweet and bitter, were tucked away in my mind, untouched and unexplored. But everything changed when my first child was born. A profound realization came over me – I was forever connected to something greater than myself. There was no escaping this newfound responsibility and everyday that followed, I was reminded of this responsibility. The joy, excitement, struggle, pain, resentment and love, that comes with being tied to another life is truly indescribable and quite frankly, terrifying.

I also failed to realize that by having children I would be triggered by all the hidden memories that were lost for so long.  The little child in me that still ran ramped and wanted attention.  The parts of me that never reaaaaaally matured. 

I had kids because it's what you did. You know, the societal norm of being a good girl (though, I never fit that mold 😇), getting good grades (...didn't fit that mold either), going to college, having a financially abundant career, getting married, having a family, [fast forwarded 20-30 years] having grand babies, retiring with my spouse at age 65, live happily ever after...then die and go to heaven.

Yeah, it seemed like the dream.  Until I woke up in it and realized, that dream is not a one size fits all.  That dream doesn't define who you are as a person because you ARE so much more.  The dream isn't what others tell you it is.  It's what you BELIEVE to be true for you.  

To become a parent means to expose the child within, your inner child.  I was looking at a reflection of myself during those times of sleepless screamed filled days and nights where all I wanted to do was hide or leave.  And at times, I saw the little girl inside that wanted to sing at the top of her lungs all day and be left to dance and twirl...to just play.

When you have children, it's the most selfish thing you can do.  It's also the most vulnerable thing you can do.  Being a parent is being everything and nothing all at once.

To be a parent takes courage because children remind us of our time. Whether you realize it or not, you will be reminded of all the things you wish you could have done or have been, things you never had or lost, or things you promised you'd one day be.

I found myself questioning my identity and the void that seemed to grow inside me. The thoughts were overwhelming, but I pushed them down, pretending everything was okay. However, I knew I yearned for more, that life had greater plans for me beyond the ordinary said, dream. I was checking all the boxes in every area of my life because that's what you do ...right?

My formative years were shaped by religious teachings, societal expectations like conforming to the "good" girl stereotype, the notion that a grade defines you rather than you defining yourself, lack of education on fundamental life aspects such as nutrition and energy management, the dismissive attitude towards discussing feelings and emotions, and a deficiency in essential life skills like financial literacy.

Why is it that, as a child, we are encouraged to dream limitlessly about our future paths, with the sky as the limit and boundless imagination? Yet, as we mature, we are often advised to be "realistic" and cautioned against pursuing dreams deemed impractical. Why is it that many enter the world with joy, only to leave with regrets of not having done more, stood up for what they believed in, prioritized time with loved ones, embraced joyful opportunities, and expressed more love?

Since the moment I encountered Human Design, I willingly embraced the journey of self-discovery, delving into its intricacies and recognizing its profound influence on my life. Like a born again child, Human Design has empowered me to explore my inherent gifts and the expansive potential that awaits me. Most importantly, it has allowed me to embrace and love myself on a much deeper level than ever before.  It has given me the ultimate permission to be me and to give myself grace.  It is constantly offering insights into how I manifest in the world and interact with others.

My calling has gradually revealed itself to me over time and continues to do so till this day. It wasn't a sudden revelation or something glaringly obvious until I recognized that my motivation in this world IS my children.

My children woke me up. 

In the one aspect of my life where I felt the weakest and darkest, my children are the fundamental reason I am dedicated to this mission. They serve as my reminders, reflections, and potential in becoming more easeful, carefree, loving, joyous, resilient, tenacious, accepting, playful, and compassionate.  

So, why can't life be as simple as that in adulthood?

I want to share my experiences in hopes to helping those on a similar trajectory of finding one's self and living in a way that is authentic and true to who they are meant to be in this lifetime. 

Consequently, I am devoted to crafting meaningful frameworks, practices, and initiatives that not only empower future generations to recognize their gifts and potentials but also cultivate a profound sense of connection, understanding, and purpose in their life - as part of humanities evolution. 

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